Ask the Experts

You and your aging parent may benefit from an assessment by either a Care Manager or a social worker from the local senior services center or Council on Aging. Many towns have social workers available for assessments and consultations as well. There are many home-based and community programs that are designed to help support older adults in their wish to remain at home.

The two most important questions regarding senior housing are:

1. What kind of support do they require to be safe and well cared for in their home?
2. What can they afford?

There are housing options for older adults that range from independent or assisted living to nursing home levels of care. Whenever possible it is important to make a move that will last, if not for a lifetime, then for at least a few years as moving is very taxing on older adults.

Whether you are comfortable or living on a low/fixed income there are options for housing that can meet your needs. Discussing the different housing options with a Care Manager from Your Elder Experts can be helpful in understanding the differences between communities for older adults and can help you determine which community most closely matches your aging parents’ needs.

It is very difficult to be a long-distance care partner. If your older adult parents are open to having some assistance, introducing a Care Manager may be extremely helpful for them and for you. A Care Manager can provide a thorough assessment of your parents’ needs, develop an action plan, and then manage and monitor their situation over time. From arranging for home care services to advocating at medical appointments, a Care Manager can stabilize your parents’ living situation and provide you with much needed peace of mind. A Care Manager can be your eyes and ears as well as a support for you while allowing you to focus on the rest of your life.

It is important to understand why an aging parent is isolated. Is it because she doesn’t have transportation? Is she physically limited? Is she experiencing depression?

Many towns have senior centers that offer both transportation to the center and daily scheduled activities, including lunch. The JCC in your area may also have daily or weekly programming for older adults. If your mother is in need of support during the day and she has either physical or cognitive losses, then an adult day program might be appropriate for her. And, if you feel that your mother may be having difficulty coping with losses and other stressors in life, helping her find a social worker for an evaluation and possible ongoing counseling may be helpful.

Most people find caring for someone with dementia to be more than a one person job. There are many ways you can get support in caring for someone with Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

Care partner support groups offer a compassionate environment in which to share your struggles, learn different ways of coping, and gather resources available in your community. The Alzheimer’s Association, Massachusetts Chapter (311 Arsenal Street, Watertown, MA 02472) keeps lists of support groups and provides a helpful starting point. Respite care can come in different forms. If the care partner would benefit from scheduled time off every day or week, home care services can be arranged. If the care partner would benefit from a much-needed vacation, live-in home care or a short stay in a memory impairment unit of an assisted living facility is also a possibility. Often, having a consultation with a Care Manager from Your Elder Experts can help sort out the needs of both the person with dementia and the care partner in order to make current and future care plans.

It is important to focus on your own health and desires when you are the care partner of an aging parent. You can reduce personal stress by recognizing warning signs early, acknowledging your feelings, identifying sources of stress, recognizing what can and cannot be changed, and taking action. Asking for help along the way is as much for you as it is for your mother.